I will chew the tails off mousie toys.

Your feet are my play-toys.

I think the nails on your walls are actually flies. I need to hunt and kill them. 

Even though I am smaller, younger, and newer than all the other animals in the house, I am the boss.

When you leave the house, I will go into the bathroom and sit on the counter and watch the faucet, waiting for it to turn on. When you return, I will be in the same position.

The dryer is an evil demon that is going to kill me.

If you try to give me a pill, I will cling to the ceiling.

If I could, I would slide down the banister and launch into the next room.

I love chasing my tail. I could do it for hours. I will.

Any knick knacks you place on the mantle are fair game.

If you leave the room I am in, I will wait 3 seconds, then sprint into the room you went to. 

I will chase the tails of my foster feline brothers and sisters.

I will lick your forehead until you wake up in the morning and feed me. 

I know the secrets of window screens.

If you fall asleep on the couch, I will lay on your neck and put my head on your chin. I will wake you up when I am hungry by nipping your chin.

I will fit into any cardboard box you bring into the house. Then when you walk by, I will pounce on your feet.

When I jump up on the counter, I should be rewarded with a yummy treat.

I will knead on your chest until I make a full batch of biscuits.

I will pile all the litter into one corner of the litterbox after I go potty. This could be a 20-minute ordeal.

Any plant you bring into the house is fair game.

The chandelier is an evil demon that is going to kill me.

Your glasses are a chew toy designed for my enjoyment. 

Stairs are meant to be run up, then run down. Then run up, then run down. Then run up, then run down.

If you meow at me, I will laugh at you inside. 

When I play with you, I should be rewarded with a yummy treat.

When I look at you, I should be rewarded with a yummy treat.

You will find random socks in random places throughout the house.

I will store my small kitty toys in your shoes.

The sink is the perfect place to sleep.

If you play with me with a fishing pole toy, I will turn into the Tasmanian devil. 

I will leave pawprints on every glass surface in your house.

If I meow, I expect you to immediately give me attention. 

My favorite toy is a brown paper sack. You can buy me all the fancy expensive kitty toys in the pet store, but I’ll still go sit in my brown paper sack.

If you call me “Pumpkie” and talk to me in a baby voice, I will ignore you. 

Any rolls of paper towels in the house are fair game.

Laundry baskets full of dry clothes are meant to sleep in.

If you are preparing human food, I expect to have a taste of it. 

I must be the center of attention at all times.

I prefer Classical music. 

If there are any catnip toys in the house, including in the cupboards, I will find them and I will play with them to my heart’s content. 

The faucet is an evil demon that is going to kill me.

Your bed is my bed. I am allowed to sleep in any position, anywhere within its boundaries. If I choose to sleep perpendicular to you and take up ¾ of the mattress, you must move over and live with it.

Every time you stand up, it is an invitation for me to stand between your feet.

Every time you sit down, it is an invitation for me to crawl into your lap. 

The vacuum cleaner is an evil demon that is going to kill me.

If you have baseball playing on TV, I will chase every ball that is hit with my paws on the screen.

When you go to the bathroom, I will stare at you until you are finished.

If anyone in my house needs to use the bathroom, I need to be in there with you. If you don’t take me in there with you, I will paw at the door until you let me in.

If you are sitting on the couch, I will hide under it, and if you move your foot, I will attack it. 

If I see a fly outside, I will crawl up the screen door to chase him. This is my God-given right and I will hang there as long as I please.

If you have cold shrimp on the table, I’ll swat at whichever piece I can get my paws on to get it off the plate. Then I’ll bat it across the table and throw it in the air.  Then I’ll repeat the process. I typically like to have 3 or 4 shrimps in play at any given time. I consider myself an expert shrimp juggler.

If you are typing on the computer, I prefer to sit directly on the keyboard.

The ceiling fan is an evil demon that is going to kill me.

I prefer to spend about 50% of my time airborne.

I am secretly master of my entire foster family, humans, felines and canines alike.

I prefer to be served my meals while sitting on the kitchen counter. Ceramic plates are preferable, and my wet food needs to be smashed down by a fork. I will not eat unless you serve me like this. 

I will sleep on your head.

I will drown mousie toys in my water dishes.